Friday, 30 December 2016

Iya Ruka's Conversation With 2017

Iya Ruka cleans the bench in her Ankara shop somewhere on Lagos Island. She offers 2017 a seat. He sits. Warily.

She clears her throat and speaks softly...
2017... 2017. How many times did I call you?

2017 hangs his left brow at an angle.

2017, you will be good to me. Are you yearin? You will be good to me o. Why becost I use to mind my business. I am not like Iya Taofeek, gulumo upandan. If you shek now, you will find her for Iyaloja place where they are settle fight. As I am talking she still have plaster on her head from the last time that she fight Shidinma. 

Also, I am not like Ushe. I face my work and put my eyes for front.

She looks at 2017 with a smile. His brow moves a notch higher. She laughs.

Okay… I forget that your time have not come so you have not year the story before. Is okay. But the story is funny sha. My son send it to me in my Wuzup. I for play it for you but they have steal my ipad.

2017 looks at Iya Ruka, bewildered.
.
As I am saying, I am a good pesin. On Monday, I see Abdulayi for gate. What he is wearing is not good. So in the morin, I give him 2 Buhari campaign t-shirt; the one that I get from the rally for Teslim. I give him. Although he later tell me dat he cannot wear it. I ask him why. He say they will beat him for road if he try it. Dat people don't like to year sai baba again becost of too much hungry. So if they see his face for the t-shirt, they will put sai baba anger on top of him. After I tink small, I tell him to turn the shirt and wear the back. Abi?Becost even the back of the shirt is still better pass what he is wearing. He agree with me.

When dis people dat are begging for money come to my shop, I use to give dem money. Not every time sha. You know sometimes you can do 2 days, 3 days no market. Ehen. But if I have money and they come, I use to give dem.

Why am telling you all dis tins? Becost 2016 show me pepper! Oloun. Do you know I call 2016 for my shop just like I call you now? Arand September I call him when I cannot bear it again. He come to my shop and sit dan on dat stood there. His a very prouding somebody. He sit dan there looking outside my shop, put his nose for up and he’s just franking his face as am talking.

I ask him boya he know what his doing. I have to ask becost good pesin don't suppose to suffer. I ask him boya he cannot see how people are hungry everywhere. I ask him why on top of everything, he also bring reception to Nigeria, especially for dis Eko. For Radio Lagos every morin, they use to talk about dis reception and all the problem is causing. I tell him dollar is too cost now. Even Yakoyo increase the prize of their Ogufe. When I ask them why, they tell me dat dollar is too cost. Now is pomo I use to eat my amala. I tell him dat is his wickedness dat cause all dis tins.

I tell him pe dis suffering is too muchi o. I ask him what we are going to do before hungry will kill all of us in dis Nigeria, most especially for dis Eko. Do you know dat as I finish aksin him all this tins, he stand up as if he want to go. 
Ha! I ask him again, what are we going to do? 
He say, “Look arand you.” 
Arand me ke? What is arand me? 
When he start to put one leg for outside my shop, I quickly shek everywhere. Is only Ankara I see. I shout as his walking away. “Is only Ankara dat is here o!” 2016 no even turn back to look at me. He is just saying, “Look arand you, look arand you” until I don't see him again.

I remove my wrapper, sheck under the bensh, open my drawer, is only the Ankara in my shop dat I see. I say no problem. He should continue prouding, shebi after tiri mons, anoda pesin will take over?

So o, dat is why I say you should come dis morin. So dat we can agree how we will do next year.
Ah... 2017. Dis one dat you are turning in your shair like somebody dat is sitting on top soldier ant. I hope there is no problem?

2017 clears his throat.

Oya tok your own, I'm yearing you.

THE END?


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