Friday, 27 June 2014

Still On Mama Somebody: Two Comments You Must Read!

In response to my post titled Mama Somebody posted on my Facebook wall, (If you missed it you can read it here) a guy had this to say:

"...If you want to address issues of women living in abusive relationships or women in broken relationships and how this affects their self worth and relationship with their children, that is an entirely different thing. My stance is that education (maybe "too much" of it) has a tendency to make us conceited and leads us to begin to challenge nature. 

In an ideal situation, the female human is
perfectly ok to draw her identity and her essence from being a mother. What greater joy can there be for a woman than to have children who are growing well and to dote over them? She draws her pride from them. Motherly sacrifice is probably one that draws from one of nature's most intimate is the same so called education that now seeks to justify same sex relationships. Let us rest the academic rhetorics of self identity please. 

My advice to all mothers who are enjoying their motherhood experiences is not to feel any obligations to any concept of some strange personal identities. Your identity as a mother is God given. It is a ministry. It is at the very essence of all other identities. You can be chairperson in the biggest boardroom in the world, if you do not have the identity of motherhood, then you really havnt got much. This is is to all the Mama Anybody...we made it cos of you. Thank you Mama!!!

And this is a woman's response to him:

"...I'd like to challenge your statement - "In an ideal situation female specie of humans is perfectly ok to draw her identity and her essence from being a mother" - NO, my dear, in an ideal world, it isn't. We live in an 'un-ideal' world, which is why losing identity or being the shadow of one's children is 'okay'. 

"What greater joy can there be for a woman to have children who growing well and to dote over them" - my dear, you have to be a woman to be able to say this with confidence. I see that you are projecting how you hope all women feel about motherhood. No, my brother, it is not the greatest joy of a woman's life, to dote over children. How many years will she dote over them? When they are no longer children, then what? I did already opine that I am happy for women who are only mothers and wives and seek to be nothing else, because they add their own input to the world and to the future, but I think you are really reaching when you suggest that a woman has to draw HER pride from her children. Does this suggest that the woman who is childless due to her own biology (which is created by God) is not entitled to any pride? No, my dear. Women are not given motherhood as an identity. They are biologically equipped to have kids, it is not all they are about, and if they do not have kids whether by choice or by chance, the world is still theirs, they can still walk the streets without feeling like they have failed in life. Kids are not a woman's world. They are a good part of it (for those with beautiful motherhood experiences).

And you make a huge mistake by thinking that Naomi's post lampoons motherhood. I think you should allow yourself to see that motherhood and identity are not mutually exclusive. You can have both. And this thing about sacrifice of motherhood and why women should feel saintly because they have children.... NEHI, No, mba. Why? It is a thankless job. The kids were in heaven jejelly while the woman and man decided to have unprotected sex and have babies. Nobody sent anybody work, as we say. I am a mother and my little daughter is blind in both eyes, so I'm a very hands-on mum, therefore I think I can speak of this so-called sacrifice without fear or favour. I do not see anything I do for my daughter as sacrifice. She is my daughter. If I don't do these things for her, who will? My sleepless nights, the extra work I put in to care for her (which every mother of a special-needs child can relate to), is NOT a sacrifice and I would be a failed mother to even think it is. My duty is to mother my child. When she is no longer a child, and she is able to take care of herself, I shall have done my duty. I will always of course love her (and extra specially too, for obvious reasons), but I do not want a saint badge or a trophy for this. Duty is duty. Favour is favour. Sacrifice is a favour. Motherhood is a duty. Motherhood is not sacrifice.

So, no, my dear, in an ideal world, women are human beings of their own. They are not shadows of their husbands or their children and they deserve to draw pride from being their own persons as much as they can. After all, when the children have all gone away, a lot of women feel empty because they left the individuals that they used to be, in that faraway place called 'the past', never to be seen, touched or experienced again."

There is nothing left to say. True.

©Naomi Lucas
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