Tuesday, 26 November 2013

To You, Single Mother...

After waiting for so long, he came. Like a knight in shining amour, he came. As sly as all the others, he was. Everyone saw through him except you. You were in love, the fall-wound-mouth type to be exact. Everyone who didn’t like him didn’t wish you well. So little by negligible little, your network withered until it was just you, him and those who didn’t know any better or didn’t care.

You speed-dated like you had some deadline lurking close by. Within a quarter he had proposed. Your wedding shortly after was an intimate, classy, aso-ebi free, strictly by I.V affair. Sadly; the guests were mainly his friends and family and a handful of yours.

Industrious you are and have always been. You travelled all over the country making a living and loving it. It was a trait he found attractive; a strong, ambitious, independent and self-confident woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to try and get it.

The first few months after your wedding were heavenly. Such a shame your friends weren’t there to see. You made him a Director in your company, got him to travel with you, introduced him to your clients, made him a signatory to the company account and taught him the nitty-gritty of doing business in your sector. Despite all these, he didn’t trust you. His ridiculous accusations of infidelity, his unexplainable tantrums and his incessant complaints about your male clients seemed cute at first until you realized he wasn’t joking. He had a pretty clear picture of what a married woman was and wasn’t supposed to be and you realized you didn’t fit that description. Determined to make your marriage work and considering you had gotten pregnant, you slowed down and handed over the reins of your business to him. By the time you put to bed, he was running your company full time and doing quite a brilliant job. Maternity period over, you wanted to get back to work, and that was when shit hit the fan.

He didn’t want a maid. He wanted you to do the cooking and he wanted his meals fresh; no microwaves and no food flasks. He shopped and brought the groceries home instead of giving you the money. He said the company was doing great, you should not worry too much; just take care of the home front. You didn’t find it funny and you told him exactly that. By the next morning you could barely see through your left eye and the rest of your body felt like it belonged to someone else.

You were in trouble and you knew it. Being the fighter that you are, you got a nanny, handed the baby over and showed up at the office; your company. You almost passed out at the sight. Most of your staff had been fired and surprise, surprise, your husband had become sole signatory to the company account. How all that happened right under your nose you can’t explain till this day.

The house became a war zone. You were the greatest casualty. He beat you black, blue and all the colours in between. Ashamed, disappointed, betrayed and hurt, there was no succor anywhere; no friends, no family, per se. He had you where he wanted you and there was no getting out. Or so it seemed…

After two years of perpetual torture and a face that had lost most of its zest, you ran for your dear life with your two children, the youngest still suckling. He had the company and your bank account; you have the children and nowhere to stay. Within months he found love again. Moved on. You are trying to stand but the kids are like shackles around your feet.

No one who means well keeps you away from those who matter to you. No one who means well ever makes you choose between them and your loved ones. No one who means well smothers your light. No one who means you well toys with your self-esteem. I see that some women can’t understand love unless it is painful, devastating or abusing but love isn’t meant to hurt. You have learned that the hardest way possible and all you have learned is at risk of being eroded… by the depth of your bitterness.

My goodness, you are bitter. Even a blind man can tell. You conversations drip with bile. The things you say are either scathing, cynical or sarcastic. You have lost the ability to engage in civil, harmless conversation. You attack in the vilest way, anyone or anything you perceive a threat. You’re in permanent defense mode and gradually; you have become really difficult to be around. For your sake you need to get justice or find peace or both. As difficult as it may sound, you need to let go.

You have shut everyone out – the ones who care and the ones who want to. I can understand how stupid and ashamed you must feel for not listening to sound counsel but sis, this is not a burden you can carry by yourself. Breathe, exhale, and let your hair down just a bit. You have your whole life ahead of you and you, even you with your two children can have a fresh start.

You know this too shall pass? It will… Eventually. You will get justice - karma will ensure it. Eventually, the hurt will heal and the pain you feel now will be but a distant memory. Eventually, you will find your feet and your latter years will be better than the former. Eventually, will find love again. Eventually, you and those beautiful kids of yours will be just fine.
P.s - Based on a true story...
©Naomi Lucas
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