Monday, 5 August 2013

Becoming A Woman (By Dike Chukwumerije)

I just had to share this. In this day and age, it's hard to come by men who think this way...

I’ll tell you this, the day after you marry, people are going to start calling you ‘Madam’. But don’t confuse these things. That’s just how we are in this country. Even if you refer to yourself as ‘single’ now, we actually see you as ‘unmarried’. And if you stay that way past a certain age, we probably think it is because there is something wrong with you.
It is that difficult to grow up in a society where ‘Mrs’ is a step up the social ladder. So, some people take to wearing glamorous rings on the finger next to the important one, to mislead us. Then they replace ‘Miss’ with more ambiguous titles - Dame, Lady, Evangelist, Princess - just so they can get the same respect reserved for ‘somebody’s wife’; like she has to belong to someone to get respect.

But there is a bit of that sentiment in there somewhere – the idea that marriage ‘elevates’ a woman; and motherhood is the absolute zenith of her existence. (It’s still one of the highest praises we bestow - to say, with deep solemnity, ‘she is a mother’. Meaning? ‘Godly virtue drips from her very nipples. She has attained nirvana’.) But you know what? If you were a witch before, you’ll still be a witch afterwards. The dreams that kept you up at night will still keep you up at night. The only things that would probably change are your sleeping patterns and your weight. And, maybe, the number of times you have to cook in a day.

But, honestly, it IS okay if all this – the dynamics of keeping home, husband and children – are very near the apex of your desires in life. And, if they are, nothing wrong with walking around with raised shoulders either, because not many people are so fortunate, to actually get to achieve valued life goals. And, if you ask me, that’s what it should be really about – who is and who isn’t living out their dreams; whatever those dreams may be. But there are men that just won’t get it. Always wanting to ‘take care of you’. Like you were born spineless. Like your womb is an inner void. Like thoughts bigger than what the kids will eat for dinner are way too big to fit under a weave. So, they make God and Constitutions say what they want you to believe: that getting married will make you a woman. Just so they can have the pleasure of breaking your hymen.

But I have little girls, and I’ll tell them different. No matter how rough and decadent this world gets, a good head on your shoulders will shield you better than a protective husband. Don’t ‘settle down’ for a nice place to live and three hot meals; if you need money, create value. If you come home from school pregnant you can be sure that the only thing that will stop your mother beating the crap out of you would be that pregnancy, but we will NOT make you marry anyone because of it. You’re not missing anything if you spend your twenties growing up. In fact, you’re not missing anything if you spend your life being yourself. Because that’s what it would take to solve the most difficult riddles Life will toss at you. And when that day comes when we have to account for what we’ve done with our years, we will NOT be walking into that room in pairs. Believe me, these are not things you want to get twisted.

1 comment:

Luke said...

Philosophically true. Socially, this level of thought is for a future generation of Africans and at present, not quite acceptable