My friend and I went to see a movie at The Palms a
few weeks back. We watched ‘The Last Air Bender’ or something like that. My
friend found the movie so boring, she asked me to wake her up when it was over,
and for good measure, put her big head on my shoulder and promptly went to
sleep. I felt the movie was tacky too, but I stayed awake, reminding myself
that the ticket cost N1500, the cost of six 20-in-1 DVDs at Ojuelegba under
bridge :)
After the torture, we headed for the car park,
swearing to always watch previews before going to see any movie. Parked
directly opposite our car was this really huge SUV. It made what we drove look
like a key holder, lol. That’s beside the point anyway. Point is, in the car
with his back turned to us, was a guy and a chic, em, shagging right under the
harsh glare of security lights and making really weird noises. I looked at my
friend, she looked at me and we both looked at the machine in front of us.
‘Babe, is this what I think it is?’ I asked truly stunned. ‘Yup’, she replied
without missing a beat. I stood there for like a full minute before realising I
was staring. As we drove off, the most amazing thing happened-the chic got up
and waved at us. My friend waved back, laughing hysterically. I was too stunned
to speak. I kept muttering, ‘She waved at us, she actually waved at us. Can you
imagine?’
As if that wasn’t enough, the very next day, I went
for some exhibition on the Island with another friend. The clothes were
frigging expensive so we just looked around and praised the designer and ate
his small chops and drank Chapman and collected his card and left knowing we
were never going to call. To end a lovely evening, my friend and I, with some
friends of hers, decided to do chicken @ KFC. We got there, placed our order
and sat. There was just one guy among like, 6 of us.
Now there’s something you must know about me and
KFC. I go there to do Ice cream. There’s this cone Ice cream they sell called
soft twirl; it tastes like paradise and wait for this-it’s a hundred bucks.
Since my friend shared the good news with me, I look for every reason to take
that route so I can get some. I mean its N100, how cool is that? Oya, go ahead
and say it, I like awoof abi? Who doesn’t, lol
While the girls chattered about everything worth
chattering about, I kept quiet and ate my Ice cream and then out of the blues
one of the girls said, ‘ Bosun*, when was the last time you had sex?’ I paused,
mid-swallow, to listen; I mean these were very young girls, single and fly and
uninhibited.
Bosun laughed and went on to diss the whole
‘guy-girl relationship’ thingy; she felt it was over-rated. As far as she was
concerned, if you feel like shagging just tell the guy you fancy, shag and move
on. All the ‘You remind me of summer’s breeze' and the ‘ Just called to check
on you, hope you got home safe’ is just plain annoying, and she was very
passionate about what she was saying. The lone guy looked lost in our midst and
once again, yours truly was shocked. I stood up and went for another serving of
ice cream.
When I got back the conversation had shifted to
Aristos and how to stay protected on the job. At that point I begged to be
allowed to go home.
On my way back I couldn’t help but wonder. Have we
(I’m talking to the ladies now) gotten to the point where we can walk up to a
guy and tell him ‘I want to shag’, do the deed while reading OK Magazine, and
move on like nothing happened? Do we now have sex on the go, like ATM banking?
Are women wired to be that detached? Is this what sex has come to? Like dogs
and Sheep, we stand by the roadside and shag? We are called mammals and our
siblings in the bush animals for a reason-The ability to exercise restraint and
use our number six. Ok make that two reasons lol.
I hear that for guys, sex is a physical activity
like playing football or washing plates, for ladies it is not. So when ladies
begin to talk about one night stands and sex for the sake of sex, I get very
scared. Even within the context of relationships, we use love and sex
interchangeably. Very few of us bother to note the difference.
A friend of mine was in a dilemma of some sort.
Hot, well-to-do young man I must say. He wanted to settle down and had two
ladies in mind. He was having a hard time deciding and he called me. I asked
him a very simple question, ‘who do you love more?’ He said both of them.
I asked him to describe what he loved about both of them. He did. For the first
lady, he described her assets-boobs, backside, dentition, hips, you name it.
For the second, he did talk about her physical attributes some, but said stuff
like ‘She’s very forgiving, I feel at home with her, bla the bla. And I asked
him to project like 40 years into the future, ‘When lady 1 loses a breast and
has to wear partial dentures (God forbid) what will become of both of you?
Silence ... My point exactly! For the 1st lady his love was clearly a
physical thing for the other it was more than that. Funny enough, he was seeing
both of them, sleeping with the first and not with the second.
We have gotten to the point where we handle relationships like banking transactions. You’re not happy, you change banks. If the transaction doesn’t favour you, you walk out. It’s no wonder chics are catching their husbands with maids, other guys, best friends, and walking out of the marriage before the wedding cake is finished. When the foundation is faulty, it’s only a matter of time before the building crumbles. Before things degenerate any further, let’s retrieve the values yeah?
Everybody’s doing it; it’s not a big deal. Who
hasn't ever had some form of sex in a car? Everybody does it. Virgin Mary, you
don’t want to shag before marriage? Newsflash: your type has been extinct
since the 16th century. Really! Well guess what, I was with everybody a few
days back and he’s very livid at being accused so wrongly. He said it’s a big
deal because EVERYBODY is not doing it and he thinks it’s unfair to use him as
a justification to do anything; it’s your life not his.
I’m not talking about abstinence or safe sex; I’ll
leave that to NACA. I’m talking about self respect and a healthy perception of
who you really are. I’ve always been a person driven by conviction; so the
‘Everybody is doing it‘ syndrome never really swayed me. What I’m trying to say
is this-You should have a set of values that govern how you live. Especially
because sometimes there’s no one around to tell you-this is the way, walk in
it. It is what will keep you grounded when no one is looking and when
everything around you suggests it is alright to do it. It’s just being true to
you and knowing what you can and cannot do, irrespective of what Everybody
says.
For a lady to be alright with sex for its sake
tells me her sense of self worth is very warped. Babe, you are not Mary Kay or
MAC eye shadow that comes with testers. You are WOMAN: Delicate, intelligent,
hardworking. Behind the DD cup and Beyonce sized bom-bom is a charming,
humorous and loving personality. You are the main product not a sample. It’s
either the customer is buying the package or he’s not. You are meant to be
loved, protected and provided for, not looking for affection wherever and
however you can get it, even if it’s just a 10 minute quickie.
Get to know him before giving yourself away, you
owe you that much. Sometimes behind a charming facade can be a horribly
unforgiving person. If you don’t wanna shag, don’t. If you want to, let it be
because you want to, so when the cookie starts to crumble, you don’t point
fingers at poor Everybody.
And if you really want to remain celibate but can’t
help the raging hormones, for God’s sake get a chastity belt :). Besides,
'Everybody’s doing it' has become a pretty lame excuse don’t you think?
*Bosun's not her real name.
©Naomi Lucas
11 comments:
in a car??? in front of shoprite???...waved you guys??....me-e-hn! ..hahahahahaha...this shagging thing sef!...tnx for coming over...don't mind the 100bucks for ice cream..don't really like the chicken & sauce.
I stumbled on this blog a fell in love with it..pretty practical and sane write ups, in a world filled with issues.
Would love to have a drink with this blogger someday but I am married and have small pot belly!!!! Lol..not to worry, I wont be asking for your number.
Will check back often, please keep writing. All the best! Wale
Chastity belt!!??!! .. . . LOL. I had to google it!
@Ibhade, yes o, all of the above, lol
Aw, thanks a million Wale. Lol @ small pot belly. Please hit the gym. I can't shout :D
Anonymous, oya thank me for adding to your vocabulary, lol
This is a beautiful and sincere write-up Naomi. Kudos to you for your forthrightness and unabashed truthfulness. You will do well!
Thanks Ikenna. Thanks.
Without being unbiased, this is the best blog I've come across in a very long while. The articles and write-ups are simply educating and life-changing experiences. A friend shared this site with me and I'm doing same with my friends. This is really worth sharing...Keep it up!
Thanks so much Dorcas Alooking for ice to calm my swollen head* lol. Remember to visit again, I post more often now, I think? :D
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