Thursday, 2 June 2011

The Speck In My Eye

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately. Yeah I know its April but haven’t you heard of quarter 2 resolutions? Dry joke, I know, but point is, for some reason I began to think about my life for the second time in 6 months. Well, technically I do every day but you get my drift.

I had unconsciously wrapped my life or at least most part of it, around work, it became a perfect triangle-work-home-church. And then thinking back now I can say thankfully, work just wasn’t working for me like it used to. I began to ask myself- Who am I? What was it that no one else could do that made God send me down for God’s sake? (pun intended) Why the intensity of challenges and animosity from the most unexpected quarters? Why does it look like everyone else seems to be making progress in leaps and bounds? Not like I wasn’t, I just felt like I was crawling while others were whizzing past in Formula 1 cars. My feelings swung from sadness to faith to dissatisfaction to counting my blessings and naming them one by one, and the cycle began again. 

I also became unduly conscious of what was going on within my immediate and not so immediate surroundings. She won the pageant? (in my head I’m thinking, gosh she’s 3 years younger than me) He just got back from Greece? (Where did he get the money to travel? His mum sells yellow garri down the street) She just bought an SUV (Ah ah, last time I checked she was a MAKEUP ARTISTE! Na wa oh). Thelma has called Bisi three times this week? (To think we were really close before she left Nigeria).

Before you drag me to the gallows, I believe that in some way I just described you or some part of you. The part you don’t talk about and hope nobody notices. The ‘why them and not me’ syndrome? That part that wishes all the good things were happening to you while others stand by and watch. At the very extreme of this behaviour is the pull-others-down syndrome. A situation where you deny that anything good is happening or has happened to people within your sphere of influence, or totally discredit their achievements to yahoo-yahoo, drug pushing, rituals and Aso-rock connections, you can extend the list. lol

But thank God for grace and the ability to look you in the mirror and tell yourself the truth. It’s critical for you to do this; you may not be blessed with friends sincere enough to want to see you grow. Some of them gladly let you be, hoping you’ll self-destruct. I came to the realisation that the grass will always seem greener on the other side; but it isn’t. The beginning of contentment is when you accept that in this race called life, there are those who will always be behind you, and those who will always be ahead of you, and you will do yourself a whole lot of good if you stop working with other people’s wristwatches. We are all keeping different appointments and rarely ever end up at the same bus stop.

There are a lot of things in life we can’t control or change. For instance, your family. If we could, i’ll have 10 siblings. Obama, Oprah, Warren Buffet, Ben Carson, Donald Trump, Ted Dekker, John Legend, Gamaliel Onosode, Deola Sagoe, and Lanre Olusola. But then, I have to make do with what I have; sorry Debbie, Sam, I love you guys to death. However, there are a lot of things we can control. For Instance, our response to people and circumstances. And based on this fact, I have drawn up my new nearly-mid-year resolutions:

1. To stop looking around- I will go farther faster if I stop checking how far everyone else has gone. Imagine an athlete looking back during a hurdle race to check the distance between him and other athletes. Igbobi straight.

2. To sincerely count my blessings and name them one by one- The sister-in law that has taught you the true meaning of patience? Yes that one too.

3. To make a conscious effort to be happy- Stop reading the dailies, they just depress you.

4. To stop waiting for my friends to call and start calling- It takes two to tango. If Thelma called, maybe it’s because Bisi flashed.

5. To draw closer to my maker-After Haiti and the guy wrapped in grenade diapers, you still think the world isn’t coming to an end?
6. To be a better person-Say thank you, I’m sorry, excuse me, nice to meet you, you know, the whole works and to be less critical of myself and others. Critical contains the same letters as calories (April fool, lol)

7. To work harder at my relationship-You know guys are big babies. So call him at work, ask after his boss, colleagues,, if he brushed his teeth before leaving for the office and when next he’s taking you to dinner, you know, nice stuff like that.

8. Have fun as often as I can-Once the kids start coming, fun will be PTA meetings, inter-house sports and immunization appointments. Dear Lord!

9. Cut those green horns before they even appear-Be genuinely happy when my friends achieve stuff. If I’m not the king at least I’m glad to be in the kingdom.

10. To stop procrastinating and follow my heart-When I come, see and conquer, then we can all celebrate bumper to bumper.

©Naomi Lucas


Winnie said...

Thank you!

Naomi Lucas said...

You're welcome dear.